The Regrets of a Student Inactivist

There were maybe 50 people at the Student Activists' Conference, a pretty good showing. The panel was rather interesting; Bernadine Dohrn of the Weather Underground was there, for example.

But what was weird was that Bernadine told us all not to reminisce about the '60s and not to believe what she called the "product" that the media have advertised. Then, they all proceeded to reminisce about the '60s. There was some regret; regrets about tactics and causes, like the environment, that they hadn't realized would be so important. But there wasn't a regret about blowing things up. And there wasn't a regret about the hypocrisy of student activism. I don't think activism should have stopped because of hypocrisy, only that it's important to represent hypocrisy as intrinsic in taking any stand whatsoever.

There's a level of self-awareness, a sort of self-awareness of sin, that is a moral imperative. We must recognize that we are all sinners, that we are all hypocrites, and that we are all wrong. Bernadine did say that she thought she had matured because she was no longer so certain of her own correctness. That's a good sign. But I think the current administration is the perfect example of what happens when people, even arrogant young people like me, don't recognize our failings and our fallibility.

But as I criticize, I guess, these people who have done such great things, I have an urge to do just what they tell me not to do - to follow them in their radical lives, to take over buildings and sit down as the cops beat me. But it's just adolescent rebellion, the rebellion I never had.

As I listened to the alumni activists, al these regrets came to my mind. Regrets of my own four years that are not yet over hear, of my own 22 years that I can never relive.

College is sort of a microcosm for life, in that you are born under the mentorship of those that came before you (like your parents), and they leave your life in waves, as the generations of you parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents leave your life. Then you end up a crochety old fourth year cursing yourself and the young ones that now have taken your place.

So, like life, I guess it's understandable to have regrets in college. But I can't help feel like there would have been so many things I would have done, so many causes I would have devoted myself to, so many different classes I would take and professors I would talk to, and, perhaps most of all, so many places I would have gone to, if only...if only I'd known.

And now, as I look upon June 9th, I realize that I both can't wait to end this whole thing, and I wish I could do the whole thing over again. Which is exactly what everyone who's done it before told me I would feel, and exactly what i didn't believe.

Well, I've got 120 days left, 120 days without regrets.